by Paul Casey
“We often rationalize away the real reason we choose not to confront: we are cowards….We would rather harbor resentment than risk rejection.“
Whoa! How about that quote for exposing us?! So, we get offended by someone, and we have a choice to make. We could confront the person and tell them how hurt we feel, or we can stew about the person and that offense against us.
Stewing about an offense is like marinating in poison. It’s toxic because there is no constructive outlet for resolution. Evil thoughts begin to run rampant in our minds, and fill up hours of emotional energy reserves. We pin extra motives on the offender and catastrophize the situation from all angles. But, for some reason, all those consequences seem safer than…
…Saying “Ouch”. Really, that’s all a confrontation is. It’s yelping a little in the presence of the one who pricked you so that they know there was some damage done. Maybe it’s the first cue to the person that they hurt you, and it was totally unintentional–which often leads to a quick apology and a smoothed-over relationship. Maybe the other person was triggered by something you did first, and they reacted in kind–not excusable, but it can lead to both parties reconciling and committing to fairer play in the future.
Sure, there’s the risk of backlash in a confrontation, and we fear that reaction over just about anything else in life. But, isn’t pushing through that fear of rejection more likely going to get the poison out of your system and into a format for resolution?
Want to talk more about conflict resolution for a certain strained relationship? Email me at pcgrowingforward@gmail.com for a free 45-minute Conflict Resolution strategy session today.
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